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Forgiveness vs Forbearance

January 30, 2026 at 11:38 AM Leave a comment

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Forgiveness connects with forbearance. In both situations the Christian is commanded to never hold an unforgiving attitude toward someone who has wronged them. But how are forgiveness and forbearance alike and how do they differ?

Here’s a good working definition of forgiveness (from the article From Your Heart…Forgive).

Forgiveness is a decision and a promise to release a person by canceling the real debt the person has with you.

The author of the above quoted text also notes that forgiveness is “the core of our identity in Christ” and “central to our Christian life.” He also states “forgiveness is the heart of the Gospel.”

Without forgiveness there is no salvation from God since salvation stems from God’s ability to judicially offer and apply forgiveness to the penitent. What Jesus accomplished on our behalf has allowed God to fully justify those who place their faith in Jesus for His atoning work. Since that is true, how can we not fully forgive/forbear with those who sin against us? Our sin literally cut off access to God in fellowship yet He pursued us. There’s really no comparison since we are the ones who sinned, breaking fellowship with Him. Jesus’ successful efforts reopened the possibility of regaining that fellowship with God.

By the way I’m not saying it is easy to forgive people. It’s not. But how difficult it might be for us to forgive/forbear does not excuse us from responding in love to others, just as Jesus did His entire earthly life.

When we consider the weight of the sacrificial system installed under Moses, we can gain a solid picture of just how much it cost God to be able to judicially and permanently forgive our debt through the eventual and full payment of Jesus’ atonement and faith in Him.

The more we come to understand the weight of our sin that put Jesus on the cross, the more we are able to forgive/forbear the sin of others perpetrated against us. If we don’t think we are that much of a sinner we are living under deception. If I had a realistic understanding of my sin as God sees it, I’m sure I’d be overwhelmingly shocked to my core.

Interestingly enough, the secular world emphasizes forgiving yourself to find peace within. Love yourself. Take it easy on yourself, the world tells us. Moreover we sometimes hear people talk about getting away from “toxic” people for their own mental health’s sake. While it is true that at times, we may need to temporarily separate from an abusive person, however, we should never stop reaching out to them lovingly. Think of Jesus and Judas.

We should also always let go of and deny the temptation for revenge or vengeance. In truth this can only be done through our willingness to do so and the cooperation or practice of it over time with God’s help. This can become easier to do over time. It’s not as though people will stop offending us through words or actions, is it? As time progresses, while it’s doubtful we will be perfect at forgiving right out of the gate, we need to consciously decide to obey God in forgiving (or forbearing), in each instance, fully leaning on God for His strength and empowerment to do so.

But what if a person hurts us emotionally and may simply not realize it? Because of that, they never admit and apologize for their offense, attempting to make things right? What about that?

This is where forbearance comes into play for the authentic believer and it is akin to forgiveness. But what exactly is forbearance? It is when we deliberately choose to overlook something that some other person has said or done to us so that we can outwardly continue being genuinely loving toward them, whether they apologize for any wrongs toward us or not. So to forbear with other people means to remain actively loving toward them in spite of their offense and ignorance in addressing that offense. We are not to “ghost” them or treat them as if they no longer exist because God does not do that with us. Aren’t you glad?

Obviously, if someone harms us emotionally or mentally (or even physically), and they never see their error or apologize for it, we cannot go to them and simply say, “I forgive you.” This would be pointless because they would be clueless and probably not know what we’re talking about. However, just because we cannot go to them to express forgiveness verbally (without their repentant attitude and apology first), we are still commanded by God to forbear with them, to remain loving toward them. This is a must. It is not something we can avoid because of the way we are tempted to feel toward that person. Why? Simply put, God continually forbears with us even though not one of us has reached a state of sinlessness (though believers are positionally justified).

In spite of our sin, God still loves us and blesses us. In fact the Bible tells us He sends the rain on the just and unjust (Matthew 5:45). What this essentially means is that God blesses even those who hate Him and who persecute those who follow Him. That is true forbearance in action. God models it for us.

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32 NKJV)

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; *bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. (Colossians 3:12-14 NKJV, *a phrase that means to forbear)

In both of the above sections of Scripture we see descriptions of what we are to “put off” as well as what we are to “put on.” These are commands from the apostle Paul. Many of us can do the first part, the “put off” part, by sheer willpower if necessary (which isn’t the best way). In other words, we can fake it in public to often make ourselves look good to others. However, it’s the “put on” commands that are really difficult for us.

So let’s say you have an issue with someone else; they’ve done something to offend you but they either don’t recognize the problem or are unwilling to acknowledge their wrong to you. In spite of that, you still have the godly obligation to forbear with the person who offended you.

In referring to the offending party in conversation with someone else, you might point to the Ephesians 4:31 passage and claim in all sincerity that you are not being bitter, harboring wrath, talking about them in an evil manner or carrying malice toward them in your heart. That’s all well and good. However, if you are not also actively seeking to put on the things mentioned in Ephesians 4:32, you are not truly forbearing. So what are you doing instead?

You are likely exercising a spirit of apathy toward the other person, which is the antithesis of love. While you can rightly argue you are not holding a grudge (or feeling a strong antipathy toward them), you are still guilty of not loving them because you’ve come to a point of not caring about that other person at all. The absence of caring concern or love for them means you are actually being unloving toward them. This difference is critical to understand. Apathy, while not going out of your way to act out of strong feelings against the person who offended you, is also not living out the “put ons” that Paul tells us we must do.

All right, so how do authentic believers actually do what the Bible commands us to do? It’s simple to understand but, unfortunately, not so simple to put into practice because of the continuing presence of our sin nature.

First, it all starts with our inner desires. Do we truly want to live in harmony with God’s Word through a sincere desire to obey Him? This is the first step and any Christian who does not desire this is being disobedient.

Second, we must be willing to submit to and rely on God’s Spirit to enable us to do what He asks, expects and actually modeled for us. As noted, responding correctly to people who offend us is not automatic. We must purposefully set our minds to fulfill what God calls us to do. It takes a willingness on our part. It probably helps a good deal to memorize the Ephesians 4 and Colossians 3 passages above. Repeat them often. The Lord will use them to empower you because His Word is living and active (Hebrews 4:12).

Third, it takes practice and time to develop a habit of forgiving and forbearing so that it becomes second nature. The more we practice forgiveness and forbearance, the more it becomes a viable habit with the temptation for vengeance becoming less and less.

There are so many examples in Scripture showing believers how to forgive and/or forbear. The only excuse we might have in not doing so is when we are deliberately disobedient to God’s expressed will.

But we also need to be aware of the fact that by refusing to extend forgiveness/forbearance to another person it means that God will discipline us. Since He bought us with the blood of His Son and because we placed our faith in Christ’s completed work on our behalf, we become members of God’s extended family. Because we are members of His family, God has every right to discipline us as He sees fit, as a loving Father, to correct our oftentimes gross misconceptions and wayward actions. God may correct us by withholding forgiveness (not salvation!), and blessing from us until we are willing to extend forgiveness or adopt an attitude of forbearance to the other person. He also may bring unpleasant pressure into our lives via numerous circumstances until that pressure gets our attention, causing us to repent and seek His forgiveness.

For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14-15)

Authentic believers have an obligation to live as Jesus lived and to exercise God’s attitude toward others in the way He constantly forgives and forbears with us and all the people who come into our life by continuing to extend His love regardless of the circumstances (either in forgiveness or forbearance). Loving people means, at its root, forgiving/forbearing just as God does with us.

One other point. Forgiving someone does not mean the consequences of their sin are removed. It simply means we release them from their debt to us. God will deal with their sin. That is not our responsibility.

There is coming a day when God will conclude His forbearance and will finally pour out His wrath onto the entire world of unbelievers. It’s not like global society has not been warned. Many to most have simply developed hard hearts and deaf ears. But it is coming and it promises to not be pretty.

In the meantime, authentic believers are to extend His love, forbearance and forgiveness to those who sin against us. We honestly can do no less for others than what God has done and continues to do for us.

Entry filed under: christianity, Religious - Christian - Prophecy, Religious - Christian - Theology, salvation. Tags: forbearance, forgiveness.