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We Are Not in Control

June 8, 2026 at 9:54 AM Leave a comment

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My wife had surgery to correct capsular contracture. It’s a common problem with breast augmentation surgeries. She had breast cancer a number of years ago and though it was caught very early (where she did not have to undergo chemotherapy), she did lose one of her breasts through a mastectomy. Since then, there have been numerous surgeries to attempt to give her a more natural appearance with augmentation.

However, years later, things needed to be corrected again due to the occurrence of capsular contracture. This is a situation that occurs when scar tissue grows around the implant creating a “capsule.” As it continues to grow, it tends to squeeze the implant, distorting it. In my wife’s case, this caused her right implant to actually migrate up and to the right side, so that it often became tucked under her right arm. It was very uncomfortable and restrictive. Her corrective surgery took place on May 29th.

Turns out, while the surgeon knew there would be issues with her right side, he actually found more of a problem on the left side. It required a number of things, including removing previous implants, cutting out the scar tissue (capsule), cleaning and disinfecting the skin there thoroughly, placing new implants and then sewing things up. It also required fat grafting from other areas of my wife’s body and then placing drains so that internal bleeding would exit the body into the bulbs at the end of the drains.

Capsular contractures mainly occur due to the presence of bacteria in the blood that gathers around the implant itself. This signals to the body that it needs to defend itself and so it starts the process of trying to eliminate the bacteria or at least cordon it off from getting to the rest of the body. This is done by the body’s immune system creating the “capsule” around the implant. With the bacteria present, the body sees the implant as a foreign body it must do something about.

The surgery itself went fine, though longer than expected due to all the scar tissue the surgeon found. We went home and my wife began to heal from the surgery. She had to sleep almost sitting up and on her back for a week. We went to the doctor this past Friday and her drains were removed and all looked well.

Then yesterday, Sunday, my wife had a fever (102 at one point), was feeling nauseous and dizzy and overall, generally not well. We were at church and had to leave during the service. At home my wife slept for a while. Her fever was still high so we decided to go to a walk-in clinic. On the way, we phoned her doctor’s office and he recommended we skip the walk-in and go right to the ER. He was concerned about the possibility of a pulmonary embolism. We told him we were heading to the hospital where she’d had her surgery and he actually called ahead to them to let them know we were coming. We were glad he did that because that, coupled with her recent surgery, tended to place her closer to the top of the list and instead of having to wait 8 hours to be seen, it was only an hour and a half.

Once past triage and into a room in the ER, and after her CT scan and X-ray, they drew blood and other samples. Turns out she had cellulitis, a bacteria of the skin, which left untreated can create sepsis. Even though she was on an antibiotic from her surgery, it wasn’t strong enough. The blood tests to determine exactly which bacteria she had in her blood would also determine the best antibiotic to use. They hooked her up to an IV and administered two different antibiotics.

After the doctor at the hospital conferred with her doctor, the decision was made to admit her and she’s been there since last evening. During the night, they continued with antibiotic treatments via IV. This morning, she said she feels better and they are determining whether or not she needs more surgery.

All this to say that we do not control our lives. There are too many variables. One thing I’ve begun to realize through the numerous health situations that have affected my wife is that I like to think I am in control. God seems to be proving to me that I’m not in control in any way.

We have two choices in life. One, we can continue to try to do things our way, mistakenly believing that we control our own destiny and the things that happen in life. Two, we can come to the true realization that we are not in control at all and that everything that happens to us happens because of God’s plan. If we try to live the first option, we can quickly grow conceited in the belief that we have it going on; that our decisions are what matters and above all things, we walk in a path that we have developed for ourselves. If we live with option number two, we will more quickly come to the end of ourselves, realizing that the very air we breathe is on loan from God Himself.

We are not self-made. We are not in charge of our lives. We do not know all things, nor do we even know what’s going to happen in the next moment, much less what’s on the agenda for tomorrow. It’s all a bit too much, isn’t it? We think we have a handle on things. We believe we are on top of what transpires in our life only to learn that we are not.

So what will the outcome of my wife’s current hospital stay be? I’ve no idea. My hope is that she will be discharged today and continue healing. I can certainly pray specific prayers to God; the things that I would like to happen. But He is under no obligation to bring them about. If He chooses to do something I’d prefer not to occur, does this mean He doesn’t love me? Does it mean He wants me to suffer? Does it mean He is uncaring and unconcerned? Clearly no. So what does it mean? It means that He and He alone is fully in control of what comes into my life as well as my wife’s life because He is all-knowing GOD.

I’d like to share a video with you. This is from a person I have personally known who lost his wife this past October 2025. I knew John because we attended the same church where his father was the pastor in Binghamton, NY. John and I also attended the same Bible college – Philadelphia College of Bible (now Cairn University) – at the same time. I was familiar with his wife Amy, (though I did not personally know her well at all), because she also attended the same church in Binghamton.

Amy lost her battle with cancer on October 20, 2025. Apparently, her brother lost his battle with the same cancer five years before her own death. What amazed me as I watched the memorial service is that it took place roughly one week after her passing. I have to marvel at John’s faith in God and in His graciousness. The testimony John shares regarding Amy is powerful and it reminded me once again not only of my own longevity but in asking the question “how do I want to live?” If you don’t have time to watch the entire memorial service, I would recommend starting at the 23:45 mark of the video linked below, where John begins his message. [1]

John’s message/testimony regarding his beloved Amy is not only powerful, but truly inspiring. Clearly, it was his faith that sustained him, but if I had been in his shoes, I’m not sure how I would have been able to deliver what he delivered.

The big takeaway for me is something that God has been working on in my heart for a while. It goes all the way back to my biblical counseling sessions last year when my wife experienced her pseudo heart attack. It is this: God’s grace is all we need. Not only is it all we need, but it is to be the most desired thing any Christian can seek. When I say His grace I am referring to trusting fully on all that He has for us in this life. Whether we go to Romans 5-6 or Ephesians or Galatians or the Psalms, the point is often repeated throughout Scripture. God’s graciousness is poured out onto us because of what God the Son did on our behalf and procured for us.

Instead of depending fully on that grace, desiring it to become experiential in our lives, and allowing it to move us along so that we grow in love for God and others, we tend too often to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps and plug along. This often results in what outwardly appears to be Christlike actions, but within, we suffer from the lack of reality that God wants us to have in order to live a life that exults in loving Him and others.

In essence, it is the death of self that Paul discusses in Romans 5-6. We are dead to our old man (self), yet often we continue to live as though it remained alive within us. I’m not sure exactly how this transformation occurs within the believer, but I do now realize that it is something God enlightens us to and if we are not seeking Him and His grace, it will not come alive within.

Satan excels at keeping us bound to our old nature, the old man. He does not want us to realize that we are freed from it in Christ. I’m not saying that we can become sinlessly perfect in this life, never to sin again. What I am saying is that the more we understand His grace, the more gracious we will become toward God and other people. It involves giving up control over our lives and letting God have His way, the very opposite of what we prefer doing.

This is, by far, the most difficult part of being a believer isn’t it? We like to be in control. We crave it for what we think is our own sanity and well-being. Jesus said “He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it,” (Matthew 10:39 NKJV). He’s not merely talking about trusting in Him through faith for salvation. That’s the starting point.

Jesus is actually referring to an entire process of dying to self and self-interests on a daily basis after we have received salvation, which is part of our sanctification. This plays out differently with each believer and in the memorial video, John highlights the dramatic change that he saw in his own wife Amy, when she came to the end of herself, throwing herself on her Savior and literally telling Him she was “done” trying to be the Christian she thought she needed to be. She had become joyless, going through the motions of what it meant outwardly to be a Christian, while having no real inner fruit of the Spirit.

In essence, Amy gave up full control of her life and turned it over to the Author of Life who not only knows all things, but who is the only One capable of guiding us through each day.

I’m seeking that as well. All believers need to pursue that so that God’s graciousness wells up from within us toward those in this world who desperately need Him. It’s so easy to get sidetracked by focusing on our own felt needs, isn’t it? We worry about this or that. We consider our plans for today, next month or next year and yet we do it all without perfect knowledge and foresight. It doesn’t mean we should not plan. It means we should always submit our plans to God. Didn’t James point this out?

13 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business, and make a profit.” 14 You do not even know what will happen tomorrow! What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

15 Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord is willing, we will live and do this or that.” 16 As it is, you boast in your proud intentions. All such boasting is evil. 17 Anyone, then, who knows the right thing to do, yet fails to do it, is guilty of sin. (James 4:13-17)

I don’t do that consistently. I tend to place my plans in cement. Then God comes in a shatters the cement because He has a better/different plan. The truth is that being a Christian is so much more than simply receiving salvation. Certainly it is that and obviously it starts with that. But the truth goes well beyond that. He wants all of us and really, that is the only way we will ever experience the “living waters” He talks about.

He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” (John 7:38)

This of course does not mean, we will never experience various pressures or problems. What it does mean is that in spite of those pressures or problems, we can continue to count on His grace to carry us through so that the living waters He describes can continue to flow.

I would like to spend the remainder of my life (however it long it is scheduled to be, before my “expiration” date), with those living waters flowing from within me (thanks to His Spirit), to carry me along from one step to the next. God has more for me than I am willing to receive because I too often think only in terms of the now and my particular plans. It’s not about me though. It’s about loving Him more than anything and loving others.

Jesus came to give me salvation. A big part of that includes death to my SELF. That struggle needs to happen and by His tremendous grace toward me, in me and through me, I can overcome. In fact, only by His grace can I overcome. After all, I’m not really in control. I simply tend to think I am.

May it be so with you as well.

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB93Wqf5cqE&t=23s

Entry filed under: Atheism and religion, christianity, eternity, Religious - Christian - Prophecy, salvation, sanctification. Tags: god's grace, god's graciousness, grace.